Cue Chase Music!

There was a Benny Hill-style chase in Ikebukuro when a 55-year-old man dressed as a woman tried to shoplift. I would usually quote from news articles, but frankly every line in this is a gem: Japan Today article. It's so awesome.

I wish they'd caught this incident on film so much. So. Much.

Max's Vision Of The Apocalypse #3586-B

So it might have been a mistake to give the Clearest Portent Of The Apocalypse Award 2008 to the brain scientists after all - it's looking like Vision #3586 was closer to the mark.


This data was released by Spectrum IEEE in December, and shows that Japan leads the world in terms of robot density. Of course, we already knew this. What we didn't know is just how completely Japan outclasses the rest of the world. You can see from the chart. Look at it! They have almost twice as many robots as the runner-up, Singapore. And the robots they have are probably five years ahead of the robots they have anywhere else. You might have seen their AT-STs on here before. What if they were all like that? I know I'm not selling this Apocalypse very well, but just trust me - you need to be afraid.



Update: Ha! You didn't believe me, but look at this. This'll show you not to believe me. This'll show you good.

See? Farmers using robotic exoskeletons. They're not quite as sophisticated as Dr. Yoshiyuki's exoskeletons, but they are still turning Japanese farmers into Supermen. It's all going to go wrong. And that's you told.

Aso Vs. Religion... FIGHT!

Aso's done it again. He's added to the now novel-length list of things he shouldn't have done but did anyway. The newest addenda include:

• Thinking that 'the world religions can learn from Japanese work ethic'.
  
• Then not dismissing that thought out of hand.
  
• Then deciding to voice that thought.
  
• Then not changing his mind about voicing it.
  
• Then actually voicing it.
  
• Then not immediately retracting it.
  

This happened at a press conference on Thursday, just two days after he'd basically laughed off calls for his resignation. Granted the calls for his resignation were due to a perceived inability to handle the economic crisis that he was voted into a mere three months ago, but my point is this is no time for him to feed his addiction to stunned silence.

Aso's "telling-it-like-it-is face"

The AFP reports that,

"Our values in Japan regard hard work as important," Aso said during a discussion on the global economic crisis.

"To work is good. It's completely different thinking from the Old Testament," Aso said.

Which does sound a bit iffy, right? But it sounds less iffy if you compare it to what the Nikkei Shimbun reported of a speech of his in December:

"In the Old Testament, God gave Adam punishment: labour. The Old Testament, Christianity, Islam - if you add them up, what percentage of the world is that? About 70% of religions hold a philosophy that work is a punishment."

He then referred to Japan's oldest known book, the Kojiki, which features Japan's creation myths. In the text, an important sun goddess saw many other deities working.

Still slightly iffy though. And probably not something that he should just say. And you'll also notice that he didn't mention about the Kojiki stories in which Ame-no-Uzume dances naked in front of all the other gods to lure out Amaterasu, or how the Emperor Jimmu conquered Japan with the help of a three-legged bird called Yatagarasu. Surely the world religions could learn just as much from those stories.

Get Ready To Have Your Mind Blown

As Japanese scientists ask the inevitable question, "If we can get Freddie Mercury spinning in his grave fast enough, will we be able to power a kind of zero carbon-emissions turbine-engine?", comedians help out by ramping up the RPMs.

Still, I think this is very funny, in a gratuitous and anarchic sort of way. And it's no worse than the surviving members of Queen and Ben Elton have done to the man's memory. At least this was all in the spirit of good fun, and not shameless profiteering.

See, people who complain about Japanese TV just aren't watching the right programmes.

2008 OTN Awards: Part 5

Here we are: Part 5! Wow, it seemed like such a good idea at the time. The next time I try to do something in five parts, just remind me that it's five times as much work, not the same work divided by five. Anyway, let's crack on...

Quote Of The Year Award

It couldn't be anything else. "I am different from you." Fukuda Yasuo's timeless snort of derision towards a particularly rude member of the press at his resignation press conference spawned a rather exhaustive line of merchandise and even a few tasty remixes.


If only Fukuda had said something like this before deciding to resign. He would still have had to resign, but he could have got at least another week out of the brief surge of minor popularity. 

The Osu! Tatakae! Nippon! Grand Prix:

Icon Of 2008 Award!

This coveted award goes to the Shibuya Monkey! Congratulations, Monkey!

First seen on the 20th of August in Shibuya Station, "terrorizing" commuters, and sighted an additional four times, the monkey has yet to make an appearance since the 12th of November. Police and "experts" speculated that it got into central Tokyo by hitching a train ride, and significantly the monkey seems to be staying inside the Yamanote Line, as noted in Let's Japan's monkey-tracking campaign.

Picture from Digital World Tokyo coverage

We hope the monkey survives the winter, and look forward to seeing it in 2009! Of course, I'll be sure to keep you fully updated if he is sighted, whether you like it or not.

2008 OTN Awards: Part 4

Sorry, I was going to write this Part 4 of the OTN Awards last night, but I was too drunk. You know how it is. As such this is going to be quite a short Part 4. Anyway, it's here now, so enjoy. (Or don't. I'm not telling you what to do.)

Ueto Aya Story Of The Year Award

It's been a busy year for Ueto. But every year is a busy year for her. In 2008 she was crowned CM Queen for the second time (the first was in 2004), she was in the second Attention Please Special, she played the lead in Hokaben, she filmed Celeb to Binbo Taro and Sakura no Sono, she was named Best Dressed Entertainer of the year, and SoftBank gave her a mobile phone worth 13 million yen. But it's the interview with her by the Japan Times that wins this award, because it doesn't conform to the standard interview-template for idols: "When are you getting married? Are you seeing anyone at the moment? What kind of person are you looking for? So, when did you say you were getting married? Come on, just give us a guess." Even though it plays up the "reluctant star" angle too much, it does at least treat Ueto like a person. I guess we can all learn something from that article.

Song Of The Year Award

Summer Song by Yui. Obviously.