Friday, 15 April 2011

Sofia News Is This Season's Vernon Wells

Japan is considering whether to change its capital city to either Osaka or Nagoya, according to this article from the Sofia News Agency. I'm not going to say that that article is clearly bullshit, but I am going to heavily imply it.

It's a story which I cannot corroborate from any non-Sofia sources, even five pages into multiple Google searches. That's strike one against it. Sofia News also provide no direct citations. Strike two. The only source it briefly mentions is ITAR-TASS. As we all know, ITAR-TASS is the Russian state-media, and an extensive search of their news site couldn't corroborate the story. Strike three. And everything attributed to the 'experts' (who are unsourced) is the purest speculation, the accompanying photo is irrelevant and it's poorly written. So after striking out the ball went in the dirt and Sofia News broke for first, got thrown out there, then tripped over the base and faceplanted, breaking their nose.

Stop swinging at balls you can't hit, Sofia.

Thursday, 31 March 2011

Earthquake Visualisation

Want to see something that'll blow your pants off? Then you can either look at this sped-up visual representation of the Japanese earthquakes since the 11th of March, or you can go to Windmill Street in Soho after 10pm.

Stay on that visualisation until 2pm on the clock and I promise you won't forget it in a hurry. Ditto for Windmill Street but make that midnight.

Scary shit.

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Daddy's Home

Hey! I'm back! Did you miss me? What? 'No'? Oh. Well I'm back anyway, so you'll have to deal with it! What? You don't have to because you can just go read Our Man In Abiko for your current affairs jokes fix? Oh.

Look, I know this is all a bit weird - it's been 20 months since I last blogged on here. But I didn't plan it that way! You know I still love you, right? Nothing's changed. Oh, except the Prime Minister. Twice. And Ueto Aya (my long-standing Future Wife) is now in a relationship with Morita Go. And there's been two new Pokemon games out. But that's it though. I'm not forgetting anything, right? Not forgetting anything big?

Huh? 'A three-pronged offensive against Japan by the Forces Of Nature'?

...Ok so maybe everything's changed. The point is, I still love anyone who ever took the time to read any of this blog. How about this: I'll slightly redesign the site, try to reconnect with old friends, acquaintances and readers, promise to start writing on here regularly, and we can be happy again. Happy like we used to be. Before all this- this shit got in the way. When the skies were blue and anything was possible. Agreed? Awesome.

Friday, 7 August 2009

TBS Election Rip-Off Video?

I posted a video up last December, made by these guys. Here's the video again:

At the end of last month, Japan Probe posted the new TBS intro for its election coverage. Have a watch:

Notice any similarities?

Thursday, 30 July 2009

People Need To Stop Being Idiots

I'd like to briefly step in to the biggest debate in Japan at the moment: Miyasaka Emiri's dress. The Miss Universe 2009 contestant is going to be wearing a leather kimono-like thing in the pageant and some stuck-up people are throwing hissy-fits about it, claiming it makes her look like a porn star. This is her in the outfit:

What the hell is wrong with people? It's being referred to as "vulgar". It's also being claimed that the dress undermines part of Japanese culture. But I'd like to remind people that this is a freaking beauty pageant. The whole damned event is vulgar, and the whole event undermines the dignity of women, so a stupid dress is really not the thing to be complaining about. Are people fine with the idea of parading women in bikinis around whilst they spout inane bullshit and then lauding them as the pinnacle of the feminine gender, but somehow appalled if she makes a national dress slightly smutty? Get a fucking clue.

Sunday, 26 July 2009


You know how sometimes you intend to blog about shit and then by the time you get round to it everything's changed and you realise that, actually, you can't be arsed? Well watching the last two weeks of the LDP imploding has been like that. But with more alcohol. And less being arsed.

So. The LDP lost the Tokyo Metropolitan Assembly elections two weeks ago by almost as much as I like to tell people they lost by. Which is shitloads. They no longer hold the majority, that now goes to DPJ, Tokyo Network and assorted cronies. Unfortunately hardly anyone voted for the SDP, but then that's no surprise. There are still people who don't wash their hands after they use the toilet, so I guess some people just refuse to be civilised.

Obviously Aso tried to limit the damage by telling people that the Tokyo Assembly elections weren't indicative of how the party would do in the general election because they deal with entirely different issues. Naturally, everyone knows that's horseshit. They're going to lose spectacularly in the general election. Not spectacularly because they'll lose by much, but spectacularly because they've only been out of power for nine months out of the last 54 years.

Aso needs re-inflating again.

That's not to say that they've had a solid monopoly over Japan for all of those years. Since Koizumi they've had a litany of popular failures and private disasters. The best way to imagine the LDP's situation is to picture a man falling down an up-escalator for three pathetic, bone-splitting years. Like the LDP's approval rating the man seems to be constantly falling, with all the associated pain and embarrassment, but always miraculously stays in the same place. We have to wait for him to finally hit rock-bottom to see whether he'll lie there and bleed out with the remains of his dignity or whether he'll lurch like Frankenstein's monster back to the escalator of government.

Aso has dissolved the Lower House in preparation for a general election on the 30th of August. This obviously means that there is effectively no government in Japan at the moment. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Cos I'm pretty sure this means Japan is ripe for a coup d'etat. If we can barricade ourselves in Aso's office so we've got the Prime Minister's Throne on the 30th of August then it's legal, right? Isn't that how it works?