Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Of Course!

You're the most technologically advanced nation in the world, with the second largest economy! You have access to a mind-bending array of techno-wizardy, and enough cash to buy every man, woman and child in at least two continents (pending confirmation)! But wait! The world is realising it's bankrupt after attempts to beat itself out of money it owes itself leaves it bruised, broken, penniless and confused! And everyone in Africa is dying! What do you do, Japan? WHAT DO YOU DO?

Of course! Of bloody course! Gundam slippers than make stomping sounds when you walk!

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

We're Saved!

They're going up! The numbers are going up! That's a good thing, right? Man, I really need to find out what all these numbers are.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

So That's Why The Economy's Going To Shit

Japan's Economic & Fiscal Policy Minister Kaoru Yosano and Finance Minister Shoichi Nakagawa have apologised to the Diet after being caught watching tv on a mobile phone during a House of Councilors plenary session.

The best bit about this story is the excuse that Yosano gave for effectively flicking the v's to the entire government and public:

"I am sorry for my bad manners. Because Mr. Jimi's questioning was so blistering, I wanted to see how it appeared on TV."

Wasn't Yosano running for LDP leader only a couple of weeks ago?

Monday, 13 October 2008

Max's Vision Of The Apocalypse #3586

Hot on the heels of the last potential apocalypse, robots are being sold that will read your brain and control your limbs.

As if that wasn't frightening enough (and it is), the company that makes them is called 'Cyberdyne'. Recognise that name? The last time you heard it was probably in the Terminator films, where the robots that Cyberdyne makes eventually take over the world.

Sankai, who has worked on robot suits since 1992 and is also Cyberdyne's chief executive, said a full device that covers the entire body is also being designed, though it is unclear when it will be available commercially.

And as if that wasn't frightening enough (and it really is), the robot that reads your brain and controls your limbs is named 'HAL'. Recognise that name? The last time you heard it was probably in the Arthur C Clarke book 2001: A Space Odyssey, where the computer takes over a spaceship and murders the crew.

"HAL can only lead to extending the abilities of the elderly and keep them out of care for longer," Sharkey said in an e-mail to The Associated Press.

No, that's not the only thing HAL could lead to.

(Recognise the name 'Sharkey'? Probably from Sharkey And George, where 'Sharkey' is a shark. Seriously, this couldn't be any more frightening.)

Max's Vision Of The Apocalypse #3585

I don't know the significance of the Economic Watcher's Survey Index - if I did I would probably be writing for a proper publication and charging people money to read my predictions of doom. But I do know that if the Index keeps dropping like an acid-head, eventually it'll hit zero. And no index should ever read '0'.

Wednesday, 1 October 2008


I don't really want to keep talking about animals. But I'm going to.

"Kokko" the rooster appears to have a residency at a bus-stop in Yokohama.

And that's not all. Oh no. You thought that was all, didn't you? It wasn't!

In other animal news, Arakawa Ward have practically made a formal declaration of war against the Crows. And I use the capital 'C' because their evil and cunning deserves it. The article linked says it's to prevent stray cats and birds making a nuisance of themselves. But everyone knows it's the first step in the war against Japanese Crows.

In case you're not aware (although you both are), Japanese Crows are hyper-intelligent and resourceful, and it's only a matter of time before they decide that they don't need us anymore, and that Japan is only big enough for Crows or Humanity. Arakawa is striking first. Good for them. At least they're taking this threat seriously.

Tokyo's Continuing Wildlife Troubles

Tae the Anteater escaped from the Sunshine City zoo in 2005. The zookeepers managed to corner her in the Penguin Area of the Aquarium, and put her in a new, reinforced cage. We must assume that Tae spent the next three years plotting her revenge because...

Tae escaped again. Three days later, she was recaptured by zookeepers who left some avocados with four strategically placed security cameras as a trap.

Will they be able to catch Tae next time? Check back in 2011!

Pro-Tip Time!

If it smells like petrol, don't put it in your mouth.