They've Signed The Contract

"Oh my God. All the time, it was... they finally, really did it! You maniacs! Ah, damn you! God... damn you all to hell!"

I like to think that if Charlton Heston was younger, had a soul, and gave a damn about possibly the greatest tv series the world has ever seen, that's how he would have reacted to the news that a Cowboy Bebop movie is now definitely going to be made, and Keanu Reeves is officially going to play the part of Spike Spiegel. There aren't enough tears in the world for me to come to terms with this.

The movie is going to be produced by 20th Century Fox and Sunrise, and the Executive Producer will be Erwin Stoff. You might have heard of Erwin Stoff before. He produced A Scanner Darkly, starring Keanu Reeves. And also The Lakehouse, starring Keanu Reeves. Come to think of it, he also produced Constantine. Starring Keanu Reeves. Is this fucking dipshit guy just hot for Keanu Reeves or something? And if so, why can't he keep it indoors instead of ruining Cowboy Bebop? Fuck you, Stoff.

Seeing as the call-to-arms that I wrote at the end of last year didn't work: I'm now offering £5,000 (that's about $10,000) for the death of either Keanu Reeves or Erwin Stoff. Let's do this.

Honestly, if they fuck up the casting of Ein I'm going to go properly mental.